I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
