I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
