Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Randomize
