well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
