I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
