I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Barsexuality is the new black.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
