what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
