Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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