Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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