Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm like, not good at living.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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