I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My feet surprised me
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