First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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