I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
