So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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