I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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