Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
