Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
