I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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