I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This is my gift to your gina
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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