My brain says no but my pants say off.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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