Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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