dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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