We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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