In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
