stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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