I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
