just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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