I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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