According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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