all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
