rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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