i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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