Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
