I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just pee around me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
