my vag is so smooth its legendary
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
