I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
