after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
