If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
