You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
