1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
