the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
