i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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