I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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