You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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