I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
