No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
