Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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