When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize