i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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