i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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