the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
