I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
