i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
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Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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