one might say we're banned from that church
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
