i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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