Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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