Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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