so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
